How to please your girlfriend

Both heterosexuals and lesbians alike struggle with the paradox of the female orgasm.

Here are a few easy steps to change her bored expression into an ecstatic one!

1 – Treat her like a queen. 

Nobody is going to get comfortable and intimate with you if you take her to some shitty, mouldy kebab shop down the road. It will most likely be poring down of rain, and it will ruin her hair, and the illusion of attractiveness that your clothes has given you will fade away as you get soaked…

Plan the evening around her, around her interests. Does she love gaming? Then go to a convention or store…books? Show her a good time in the library. 


2 – Make sure no one is going to disturb you. 

There is nothing worse than, whether it be accidental or planned, having a perfect day…making her smile, laugh, compliment you….and then someone walks in before you become the ten out of ten you want to be to her.

I don’t care if it’s a quiet place in the park with a blanket and bottle of wine or your embarrassing teenage bedroom that you cleaned especially for this occasion (You have to – a girls hygiene standards are typically pretty high, and she won’t sleep with you if it smells like sweat.)

You have to make sure you will have at least an hour in a place that’s dry or warm.


3 – Clean up

This relates to the last paragraph, but I’m stressing it here because it’s very important and something that people often forget! Clean all the places she has to walk with you…the ones you can help, like the hallway and the entrance to the house….and yourself.

Get under those neglected nails, and into that frightening hair, and around that horrific mouth! Do not make her gag once we get to the most crucial part: four play.


4 – Focus on four play and be selfless

Men mainly, (call me sexist if you like), seem to have a habit of ‘going in for themselves’, especially if it’s been a while. This has to stop! Even if you have to blow a load before you meet up, really, you have to read up on her erogenous zones and focus on them for a long, long, long, long, long time…until she comes (you can, just from nipple stimulation) or she begs you for it.


5 – Go in for the kill and don’t stop!

Sleep well the night before. Drink loads of coffee or what ever stimulant you’re not allergic too, and if you’re small framed or weak – well, join a f****** gym.

If she struggles with shyness, or you do, then get her drunk. If she doesn’t drink, then ask her if she would prefer it to be dark? 


6 – If it doesn’t work, don’t worry.

You have tried – but females are complex and, believe it or not, they’re also individuals. Some women can have the big O, others never have, others have so many that the noise they make puts you off them completely…if you are with her, and you’re trying enough to read up about it online, then you are already winning. 

7 – Try previous steps again.


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